A Girl Called Fearless: A Novel (The Girl Called Fearless Series) Read online

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  TO R.M.L.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Books come into being because of the people who believe in you and what you’ve created. Without these champions, A Girl Called Fearless would not exist, much less be something I am proud of.

  I owe enormous thanks to:

  Sarah Davies, my agent, whose tenacity, intelligence, and finesse never cease to amaze me.

  Mollie Traver, who took a chance on the manuscript and pushed me to write a better book than I’d imagined was possible. You taught me so much and made me love the journey.

  Sara Goodman, my new editor, for her insights and judgment, which make the prospect of writing the sequel together exciting.

  The delightful and talented team at St. Martin’s, including Mike Slack, Anne Marie Tallberg, Sarah Goldberg, Jessica Preeg, Stephanie Davis, Anna Gorovoy, and Danielle Fiorella, who brilliantly captured the story in her cover design.

  To my mentors and friends, the Vermont College faculty, who raised the bar and then raised it again. Tim Wynne-Jones, Ellen Howard, Jane Resh Thomas, Marion Dane Bauer, Uma Krishnaswami, Cynthia Leitich Smith, Kathi Appelt, and Tobin Anderson.

  To my VCFA buddies and the Throughthetollbooth.com crew, especially Tami Lewis Brown who is generosity personified.

  To my critique group partners, Leda Siskind and Nina Kidd, whose thoughtful criticism pushed me to work harder and whose reassurance kept me from giving up.

  To Sandy Willardson and my bosses at the Flintridge Bookstore and Coffeehouse, Lenora and Peter Wannier, who supported my dream in so many ways.

  To my bookseller and SCIBA colleagues, including Andrea Vuleta, Kris Vreeland, Maureen Palacios, Kiona Gross, and Lauren Peugh—the best cheerleaders an author could ask for.

  To librarians and literacy leaders, including Alyson Beecher, Mary McCoy, Lindsey Bozzani, Courtney Saldana, Sue Hodge, and Meryl Eldridge, for their unbridled enthusiasm.

  To the kidlit writers who’ve welcomed me into the fold, with particular thanks to C.C. Hunter, Megan Miranda, and Gennifer Albin for reading the manuscript, and to Ann Stampler, Greg Pincus, and Kristen Kittscher for their amazing marketing advice.

  To my SCBWI colleagues, including Lee Wind, Sarah Laurenson, Sally Jones Rogan, and Lynn Becker, for their kindness and support. And special recognition goes to Alexis O’Neill and Ronna Mandel, who gave me opportunities I never expected.

  To my fellow lafourteeners for sharing the insanity of debut year, with a special shout-out to Tracy Holczer.

  To my friends Jemela Macer, Deanna Bushman, Sue Wright, Dana Cioffi, Cindy Steckbeck, and Jerry Khachikian, whose emotional, business, and grammatical guidance has been a wonderful and unexpected gift.

  To my sister, Lauren, for always being there, and my brothers, Ed and Pete, for their detailed instructions about how to properly handle guns.

  But the biggest thanks go to Bob, Haven, and Max, without whose love, encouragement, and patience none of this would have happened. I love you more than words can say, even with extensive rewrites.

  CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Dedication

  Acknowledgments

  Part 1: Los Angeles, Present Day

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Part 2: Pending Contract

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Part 3: Hawkins

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  Chapter 32

  Chapter 33

  Chapter 34

  Chapter 35

  Chapter 36

  Chapter 37

  Chapter 38

  Chapter 39

  Part 4: Exodus

  Chapter 40

  Chapter 41

  Chapter 42

  Chapter 43

  Chapter 44

  Chapter 45

  Chapter 46

  Chapter 47

  Chapter 48

  Chapter 49

  Chapter 50

  Chapter 51

  Part 5: Underground

  Chapter 52

  Chapter 53

  Chapter 54

  Chapter 55

  Chapter 56

  Chapter 57

  Chapter 58

  Chapter 59

  Chapter 60

  Chapter 61

  Chapter 62

  Chapter 63

  Chapter 64

  Chapter 65

  Part 6: Salvation

  Chapter 66

  Chapter 67

  Chapter 68

  Chapter 69

  Chapter 70

  Chapter 71

  Chapter 72

  Chapter 73

  Chapter 74

  Chapter 75

  Chapter 76

  Chapter 77

  Chapter 78

  Chapter 79

  Chapter 80

  Chapter 81

  Part 7: Siege

  Chapter 82

  Chapter 83

  Chapter 84

  Chapter 85

  Chapter 86

  Chapter 87

  Chapter 88

  Chapter 89

  Chapter 90

  Chapter 91

  Chapter 92

  Chapter 93

  Chapter 94

  Discussion Questions

  A Girl Undone Teaser

  About the Author

  Copyright

  Los Angeles, Present Day

  1

  Something was up with Dayla.

  She stared out the window twisting a strand of hair around her finger as my bodyguard, Roik, drove us to my house. Usually, she’d be pawing through my purse for gum or lip gloss before we’d even cleared the school gates.

  I tugged on her skirt, and she slapped my hand away before she caught herself. “Sorry, Avie,” she whispered.

  “You okay?”

  She glanced at Roik. “I’m fine,” she said, but I knew: Day was saving the truth for later.

  Roik turned off Arroyo, and I sat up in my seat. The Lean Dog was eight blocks away. I smoothed my hair and asked the universe to grant me a favor: red light at Fair Oaks. Come on. I could really use one today.

  Green lights shot us past apartments, the hospital, the post office and sub shop. I glanced at my phone. Damn. We’re too early.

  One block away, Roik sped through a yellow, and I set my finger on the window button, but I didn’t have much hope.

  Up ahead, the light was green. Bright, annoying, missed-chance green. It flipped to yellow and then at the last second, red. Roik braked.

  I leaned forward to block Day, because I couldn’
t trust her to behave. The rules were clear: I could lower the window, smile, and give Yates a wave, but no calling out. No arms outside the car. Bodyguards had their rules, and these were Roik’s.

  The smell of hamburgers hit me as I scanned the café windows. I breathed through my mouth, trying to evade the memories it triggered.

  I spied Yates handing a customer a bottle of ketchup, and the guy shook a fry at him. They laughed like they were sharing a joke.

  Roik tapped the accelerator. The light was going to change. Look over here, Yates.

  Yates brushed his hair off his face and his blue eyes caught mine. He smiled and swiped his thumb down his nose.

  Hi, Fearless.

  I waved back, keeping my hand inside the car. I wasn’t Fearless, but I loved how he called me that. My tongue ran over my now perfect tooth as I relived the skateboard and the cement steps. Yates giving me a hand up. The crazy awe in his voice when he said, “You’re fearless!”

  I wanted a shot of him just like this with his dark hair falling over one eye and his sideways smile—different from the one he slapped on for customers.

  But if I took one, Roik would make me hand over my cell. A drive-by was one thing. A photo? Not happening.

  The light turned green.

  “You two would be perfect together,” Day said.

  My heart skipped, and I checked the rearview mirror. Roik was watching the traffic, so he must not have heard Day. But still.

  “Don’t be weird,” I said. “He’s like my big brother.”

  “Oh, right.” She smiled slightly and gave me a look I didn’t understand.

  I ignored her. She was still holding on to that embarrassing crush I had on him when I was twelve. Yates and I had known each other forever. Even longer than I’d known Dayla, because our parents were old friends and our dads ran Biocure together.

  These thirty seconds after school when I got to see Yates were the proof that someday soon, I’d have a normal life again. I’d go to college and hang out with guy friends like Yates and maybe—I’d even fall in love.

  The world had changed in horrible ways, so Yates and I weren’t allowed to talk or be alone together. Maybe I was lying to myself, but the connection we made through the glass made me feel that the future wasn’t impossibly bleak.

  Dayla huddled against the door. I didn’t have any idea what was going on in her head, but it had to be bad.

  2

  “I’m pregnant,” Dayla whispered.

  My heart pounded as I tried not to look shocked.

  The red eye on the security camera bore down on us. Dayla sat with her back turned to it, her legs stretched out on the lounge chair like we were just two girls innocently sunning on my balcony.

  “Seth?” I spoke into my drink so the camera wouldn’t get a clear shot.

  Dayla blinked twice for yes, but we both knew I didn’t need to ask. Her bodyguard was the only guy who’d gotten within fifty yards of her since her dad signed the Contract at her Sweet Sixteen. “Dad’s going to murder me.”

  We looked at each other. Dayla had broken at least four clauses in her marriage contract. Sure, her dad was going to be pissed. Six million dollars, that’s what Seth and Dayla had just cost him.

  “What are you going to do?”

  Dayla dropped her hand into the gap between our chairs and scooped the air like she was digging a hole.

  “No!” She was going Underground. “You and…?”

  She blinked twice.

  I got up and wrapped my arms around her. No, you can’t go. You can’t leave me.

  Dayla buried her face in my hair, and I tilted mine toward the camera and beamed like she’d just asked me to be her maid of honor.

  It was killing me, smiling like that and holding in how I really felt, but what else could she do? I made myself whisper, “Don’t cry. They’ll see you.”

  The border was at least a thousand miles from L.A., but she and Seth were going to make a run for it. Seth was looking at prison. The only choice left for them was to defect to Canada, the one country in the Americas that wouldn’t send you back to the U.S. if you were running from a Contract.

  3

  Dayla didn’t show up at school on Friday. At first, I thought she was late. Sometimes peaceful neighborhoods would turn wacko, and you’d have to take a detour.

  As the morning dragged on, I couldn’t stop looking at her chair. The emptiest place in the world: where your best friend is supposed to be, but isn’t.

  I messaged her about twenty times before lunch. “Day! It’s Avie. Are you sick? Text me!”

  But when she didn’t get back to me by the end of school, I knew she and Seth had taken off. Maybe she was trying to protect me by not saying good-bye or telling me where she was going, but I felt like Scarpanol had just killed one more person I loved.

  After school, I locked myself upstairs in my room. Dad wouldn’t be home for hours, so it was just Roik, Gerard, our domestic manager, and me. And even though they knew enough to leave me alone, I didn’t feel like dealing with even one of their XY chromosomes.

  I tore off my uniform tie and grey plaid skirt and kicked them into the closet. Then I pulled on a pair of jeans and put in my earphones.

  I hadn’t played Scarp Hole’s Rage album in a long, long time, not since freshman year when I finally got that it was better to feel numb than replay endless pain. I knew exactly how the music would make me feel, but I went ahead anyway.

  The first song begins with the lead singer, his voice bitterly quiet. I whispered the words along with him.

  I rage at the darkness in my life

  The stolen love, the stolen light.

  Death was silent, but I’m

  Not silent anymore.

  The drums start pounding, and the guitars scream and he cries, “I rage,” drawing out his pain over a hundred metallic bars until we both jump into the next lines.

  Mistakes were made

  That dug a thousand graves.

  The lies, the bribes, the averted eyes,

  Millions had to die before we cried

  This was no accident,

  No, no! No accident

  And I scream out the chorus.

  Someone has to pay

  For the pain they caused.

  Someone has to pay

  For the lives they lost.

  Death was silent, but I’m

  Not silent anymore.

  Rage! Rage! Rage!

  No silence anymore!

  I pounded my feet into the carpet, letting every note take me back. Back to the helpless, awful days of elementary school when Dayla and I and all our friends watched our moms and aunts and big sisters get cancer and die—way before doctors exposed the killer: Scarpanol, a hormone pumped into American beef. Scarpanol didn’t kill little girls like me, but we were still casualties—left behind with dads and brothers and uncles who were shell-shocked and afraid.

  I danced and danced and beat my arms in the air, lost in a house where no one understood.

  Maybe Dayla was already in Canada. Maybe she and Seth were safe, but once she crossed that border, it was worse than her being a thousand miles away. It was forever.

  I lowered the volume, until all I could hear was the whispery sound of hushed anger. My fingers poised over the keypad.

  Yates was the only one who’d understand.

  I knew his cell number, but if I tried dialing it, the monitoring software would send the call right to Roik.

  I closed my eyes and remembered how Yates had held my hand through the funeral when Dayla’s mom died. I was ten and he was twelve, and I know his friends teased him about it later, but he didn’t let go when I couldn’t stop crying.

  And when Mom died nine months later, he and Day huddled over me, keeping the smothering well-wishers away so I didn’t have to hear one more person tell me how kind my mother was or how much she’d be missed.

  And two months later after his mom’s funeral, Day and I barricaded Yates and his sister Becca i
n his dad’s lanai and played endless games of pool, not saying a word, because even one word was too much.

  I dropped to the floor. Now Day was gone, Becca was dead, and I wasn’t allowed to talk to my oldest friend. How was I supposed to survive without them?

  4

  A silver van from H&S Monitoring was blocking the driveway when I came down for breakfast. The backseat of our SUV had been ripped out, and Dad stood over two guys whose arms were shoved elbow deep into the upholstery.

  I scuffed to the kitchen, thinking how weird it was Roik wasn’t out there, because that car was his domain. Nobody touched Big Black without his permission. Not even Dad, and he owned it.

  My synapses didn’t fire until I had a mouthful of juice. Dad’s monitoring Roik and me. He’s freaked by what happened with Dayla and Seth.

  I choked on the nasty. Me and Roik? Roik was even older than Dad. And he wasn’t at all hot. Not like Seth.

  A hummingbird whirred past the window. Dayla and Seth had been gone for twenty-four hours. They could be in Oregon, maybe even Washington if they’d pushed it. By tonight, they’d be across the border, starting a new life.

  Dayla was lucky. Seth really cared about her, not like Braden, the guy who Signed her. Braden’s technoczar dad bought Day for him as a college graduation present.

  I remembered the green sparks of envy I’d felt when she’d told me about all the times she and Seth parked the car after school. About the day in the abandoned picnic ground that she wanted him so bad she ripped half the buttons off her shirt. Or the time they fell asleep in the backseat, and Seth pounded a nail into the tire to prove they’d had a flat.

  My finger traced a heart on my juice glass. I wanted what Dayla had, a real love, not a Signed one.

  Once I turned eighteen and went to college, I’d have a lot more freedom and there was a chance I’d meet The One.

  I’d imagined moving into the girls’ dorm at Occidental. Running into Yates around campus. Having coffee with him between classes, with Roik sitting a couple tables away and actually giving us some privacy for once. Yates would look out for me. He’d tell me which guys I could trust and which not to.

  The front door banged open. A man charged into the foyer and yelled, “Avie! I need to talk to you!” Dad was right behind him, saying, “Relax. Relax. I’ll get her.”